Diane Simmons FG 9.01

Anchorwoman-turned-villainess Diane Simmons

Diane Simmons (Lori Alan) was a regular character from Family Guy, serving as the main co-anchor for Channel 5 News in Quahog. Diane was also the hidden main villainess in the show's famous ninth season opener, "And Then There Were Fewer" (airdate September 26, 2010).


Since the series' debut, Diane Simmons co-anchored the Channel 5 News with Tom Tucker. A year prior to the events in "And Then There Were Fewer," Diane met actor James Woods at a press event, and they began a secretive sexual relationship. Months later, Diane turned 40, and she witnessed Tom Tucker campaigning to have Diane replaced with a younger female anchor, and succeeding. Following the news that she would be out of a job in three weeks, James broke up with Diane.

Dejected and angry over the events, Diane encountered Priscilla, a young news intern, and used Priscilla's eagerness as part of an evil revenge plot. She paid Priscilla to seduce James and engage in a relationship with him, and also ordered her to convince James to become a born-again Christian and make amends with everyone he wronged in the past.


Diane Evil Smile

Diane's evil smile

Diane's evil plan led to the events in the episode, where James arranged a gathering at a mansion to make amends to those he plagued, which included the Griffins, Tom Tucker, Glenn Quagmire, Joe and Bonnie Swanson, Mort and Muriel Goldman, and various other characters. Diane had planned to kill James at the gathering, doing so with a gun that was hooked to a kitchen timer--which would go off and kill James during dinner. She would plant the gun in Tom's suitcase, framing him for the murder, and it would leave Diane to serve as Channel 5's sole anchor. Her plan hit a snag when Quagmire's date, Stephanie, sat in the seat intended for James, and she ended up on the receiving end of the fatal bullet.

Stephanie's murder forced Diane to improvise, and during the power outage, the vengeful villainess grabbed a knife and stabbed James in the back, killing him instantly. However, with the knife having her prints, Diane waited until she was alone to remove the knife from James, when Priscilla suddenly woke up and realized Diane's true motive. Fearing that Priscilla would reveal the truth, the evil Diane slashed Priscilla's throat and placed the body in Tom's room. Diane was caught by Muriel Goldman planting the knife in Tom's suitcase, and she stabbed Muriel to death to keep her quiet.

However, Muriel's screams were heard by the rest of the group, which prevented Diane from removing the knife. Before the group rushed to the scene, Diane wiped her prints off the knife and ran off, only to return to the scene with the rest of the group. Later on, Diane noticed Derek (the date of Brian's ex-girlfriend, Jillian) heading to the balcony to call the police, which would wreck her plan to frame Tom for the murders. The villainess grabbed James' Golden Globe Award and bludgeoned Derek to death with it, and later hid the bloody weapon in Tom's room. After Joe found the weapon, Tom was arrested for the murders.

Reveal and DeathEdit

Diane Simmons Pistol & Reveal

Diane Simmons' villainous reveal

The morning after Tom's arrest, with everyone packing and leaving, Lois approached Diane regarding Tom. When asked by Lois if she would anchor the news alone, Diane stated that it would be the case, and she showed Lois an outfit that her mother gave her for her first solo newscast. Lois wondered how Diane could prepare for such an occasion beforehand, and it was at that moment that she realized that Diane was the killer. Diane cemented her reveal and pointed a gun at Lois, while going over her plan and the murders, detail by detail. With Lois now knowing everything, Diane stated that she would have to kill her as well, and she took Lois--at gunpoint--out of the mansion and onto a cliff. Diane stated that Lois would end up on the 6:00 news after her death, and was prepared to shoot and kill her--only to be shot and sent falling to her death by Stewie (unbeknownst to Lois), who stated, "If anyone's going to take that bitch down, it's going to be me."

Victims Edit

  • Stephanie (accidental, shot)
  • James Woods (main intended victim, stabbed with a knife in the back)
  • Priscilla (slashed throat)
  • Muriel Goldman (stabbed in the back)
  • Derek (bludgeoned with James Woods' Golden Globe)
  • Lois Griffin (attempted to kill with a gun, only to be shot by Stewie)


  • Lori Alan also played villainous racist Kathy Weber on The Closer, and later appeared as the evil Gail Carlson on Bones.


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